28 May Losing our sense of touch ?
Let’s be honest here for a minute.
Growing up, I hated “touchy-feely” stuff. I was an independent woman! I liked to think that I didn’t need anyone. No need to talk about my feelings. Pfftt… What feelings? My close friends knew that. They even knew that I didn’t really like to be touched in general either. When we would meet someone new and that person would reach out to try to give me two kisses or try to hug me, someone would always step in and say something like “mmm no. Isa doesn’t really hug”. Funny but it’s true.
I didn’t do it on purpose. I think it was more of a defense mechanism. It was just a little too “close”. After my father died, while I was in my teens, I might have distanced myself from others and learned to deal with my own problems.
Having that reputation tends to turn on you quite a bit, however. With everyone assuming that you are independent and that you don’t need anyone, it brings you to start feeling isolated.
With that being said, I do believe that I have changed through the years. And I believe that my job (and all of you) had a really big influence on that. I’m much more “in touch” with my own feelings now and am more patient when it comes to being with people/strangers and talking about their feelings. Some people in my life still haven’t adjusted to the changes, commenting constantly that I am cold and distant with people but, they’ll come around.
I’m a wedding photographer. I make a living off making people BE together and look emotional and happy in a photo. To do that, I tend to watch people a lot. Nothing creepy. I just find myself staring at people in love and watching them move and interact together to know exactly what I want from my clients at the next photo shoot.
TV shows are really good for that as well. Man. When those two characters that have an “emotional connection” in a show… You really believe it! And they do all those perfect little “moves” too. Perfect for a photoshoot if you ask me. So I study them.
Caution. Brain at work.
I deal with a lot of couples. A lot. Makes sense. I’m a wedding photographer. My clients are all getting married and getting ready to spending the rest of their lives together. However, sometimes, when we are shooting their engagement photos, some couples still feel weird about having to hold each other for long periods of time or getting amazingly close to begin “feeling each other’s presence” and “connecting” to make the photo believable. Isn’t that weird? That two people getting married would feel odd about kissing and hugging and touching foreheads with the person that they are about to spend the rest of their lives with?
But it’s true. It’s happening. Even people LOOKING at the photos tell me that they are too close and it looks awkward. It shouldn’t. They are sharing a moment together. That’s love. But hey… I don’t believe it’s their fault. I believe it’s the times we live in. We aren’t as close as we all think we are. We have this weird need for personal space for some reason. Maybe it’s some sort of survival method, maybe it’s the subconscious fear of getting hurt? But isn’t this “personal space” actually pushing us further and further away?
Let me explain.
Forget about relationships for a second. Forget about love altogether. And think about platonic relationships in your lives. How would you feel about touching a friend for a prolonged amount of time? How many people have you physically touched before? My guess is less than half of them. Grabbing their arm, like that. For no reason.
Starting to feel weird? Why is that?
A simple touch. When is the last time you touched someone? Nothing sexual. Stop that. Where you reached out and created a physical connexion with that person. Are you thinking about it now? Are you starting to feel awkward? Is it normal that when we simply think about touching someone (their hand or just their arm) it feels a little too intimate for comfort?
I mean, can you really do that? Just go up and touch a person’s arm that isn’t your lover? I can honestly say that I’m not quite sure that I remember the last time that I comforted or shared a moment with someone with a touch. I’m actually ashamed to say that I don’t remember the last time that I shared a moment with a family member either. When was the last time u did it?
It seems that even greetings are becoming less of a connection. Our handshakes are cold and formal, and our kisses are from a distance. A mere cheek-to-cheek without the actual touch. What happened to the two handshakes? Where u grabbed their hand with her left hand and create an authentic connexion? Remember those? They used to happen more often.
Why are we distancing ourselves from each other? How did we get to the point where comforting someone or creating a physical connexion with someone … was weird? Why aren’t we more involved with each other and at a place where touching someone isn’t odd or “too intimate”. I’m guilty of that as well. I’m actually having a little trouble writing this post because I’m not quite sure how to express myself with making sure that I don’t make it sound sexual. Why does the word “touch” have that meaning? A touch CAN be a simple gesture where u create a personal connexion with someone.
It’s getting a little ridiculous.
We lost our sense of touch. We are becoming lone wolves.
Is it the idea that we are living in a time where we are hiding behind our computers and our Facebook statuses and text messages? Our emotions are becoming mediocre and stale. I feel like I’m starting to be in serious need of genuine emotion. Maybe because I’m absolutely fascinated. How we use them, how they work for each individual and how it makes people react. It is fascinating.
Why are we hiding what we are truly feeling these days? Why are we refraining from speaking our minds to each other or expressing what we have inside from our friends and family on a regular basis? My goodness, I sound like a crazy person. I’m a photographer. I shouldn’t be having all these weird psychological conversations with myself. Somehow, though, I feel like I need to read them out loud to process them.
We, as a generation, are becoming more detached. I don’t like it. I don’t think, as humans we should allow ourselves to get there. We should be living as a society. As one.
I think that we need to start recreating connexions with the outer world together (and by “world” I mean YOUR world.. your circle). Maybe next time you go out and hang out with your friends, comfort them or laugh with them and somehow create that physical connexion with them. Let’s start feeling closer to each other and regaining our sense of community together. Don’t we all deserve to have a sense of belonging? A sense of family, where ever we go? I believe it’s important. What do you think?
Next time u see me, I invite u to share a hug with me. If I don’t know you personally, be sure to warn me first so that I don’t ninja chop you in the nads thinking that you are a weirdo.
But seriously, let’s create a connexion. I feel like I need to start and sharing moments with other people. I also invite u to share these moments with your friends or your family. Embrace yourselves in a hug and keep it, just for a moment. Share a moment in time together, for no reason at all.
A simple touch shouldn’t have a sexual connotation. It’s a natural act that creates a sense of belonging and family. Let’s get that back.
I think it’s an important way of life that’s getting lost, don’t you? Let me know what you think.